And now my time is finally gone...there is no more. I haven't even seen Wellington Zoo! (though I hope to go and see it next weekend...or maybe even on thursday morning...who knows! lol) All I really have time for is finishing up classes and actually studying for finals so that I can get the credits I need back home..so this trip wasn't a total waste lol.
I came to New Zealand hoping to find a new side of me...to figure out things that perplexed me when I was home. To start a new "life" for a few short months being a "different" person, trying new things and being EVEN more outgoing than I already was, to not question but just to do. And I did, for a little while at least. I explored the South Island on a whim and talked to people I would have never started a conversation with in the states. But then I got comfortable...I slowed down and realized that I was still in school and focused. Not a bad thing, but back to my normal self. I stopped thinking of things I wanted to see and do, and slept in! These things are not bad, but it means I didn't see and do as much as I had hoped, and that saddens me. I wished I had stuck to my original plan of doing something every weekend. But things got away, and classes actually assigned work, and I actually had responsibilities and people didn't want to do the things I had planned on, and I didn't try and do them myself.
And now with only 19 more days in this wonderful country I wish I had. Though I realize that I probably wouldn't be passing my classes lol which is probably the reason why I settled back into my normal self..and I think its a pretty good one. Of course there were other reasons why I wasn't able to do and see the places I would have like to seen...things got in the way, people were busy or unenthusiastic. So I changed my mind, I did other things, I relaxed...and I think that was helpful too. And necessary. I always get so wrapped up in the stress at school. I thrive on it, I push through because of it...but am I really enjoying myself? I think so, just not in the same way. I have talked about how I have developed the "no worries" attitude of the kiwis. And I think that has changed me for the better as well. I hope that I can hang onto it in the fast paced world of the states and Vermont (yes even VT is a faster pace than Wellington NZ!).
My final newsletter from Butler came the other day, and in it were some ways to start thinking about the experience and how to start to make the transition home again. One of the suggestions they give is to figure out now what your answer to the "how was NZ" question. To reflect on the experience and see what it has really meant to you. Has it changed an outlook, or inspired something new?
I don't really have an answer to that question yet. Maybe in the coming days I will figure something out. The experience was rewarding, I realized that I am very happy to be going to school in the states for one lol. And I am still glad that I came, but has it changed an outlook or inspired something new? I'm not sure yet. Has it even been the time of my life? I wrote in my journal today that I'm not quite sure if it has or not. Everyone back home has said that it must be or that it obviously has been...but has this been the time of my life? Is the time of my life regretting things that I have not done? I sure hope not. I have made some great friends who I hope to stay in touch with, and have some new memories....but will I look back on this time and say, "yes, that was the time of my life." I'm just not sure. And I sort of feel guilty about this. Should I have worked harder to make it the time of my life? Should I have made sure I did all the things I came here wanting to do? Or was it the right thing to have no worries and just see where the tide takes me?
All questions to think about in the end....
~Marjorie
i think it's very hard to "find yourself" or experience a new side to you, when you still have SCHOOL to do. it's like, all your priorities are the same, you're just doing them somewhere else. so it's not fair to think that you would find this new piece to the puzzle of you. know what i mean??? i think you would have had to come there on vacation, or maybe for work- although with work, that would still be the priority. i think to fully experience something new and to really live the life of somewhere new, you need to move there and live there for at least a year. you still have 19 days left and you are talking about all the things you haven't done that you wanted to do as if you don't have the chance to do them. you're lucky that you are realizing everything you wanted to do, AND YOU STILL HAVE TIME TO DO IT! go do them. you will regret leaving new zealand NOT doing even a third of the things you wanted too....... you will regret that all you did was focus on school... won't you?! i fucking would. you have to go surf, go see zorbing... go to the north side of the island., you still have time. make the time. GO SEE IT OR YOU WILL WONDER WHY THE HELL YOU DIDN'T WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE?!??! how do you want to remember this experience? studying and in school the whole fucking time you were there?!?! sorry aunt deb and uncle larry but WHAT A WASTE! that is not living. GO LIVE. :)
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